Struggling with unmet needs? Here's what to do

You're in a relationship—yet something feels...off. You appreciate your partner, you've established a connection and it does seem meaningful, but deep inside, there is something persistent that you feel is not available to you. 

It could be you feel you need more emotional support, you need more consistency with physical affection, you need clearer communication, or you need your partner to put in more effort, any of these or all of them may be the case, either way it matters—and the issue isn’t going anywhere if you just ignore it! 

Here's what you want to do; maybe one of these pointers is the clarity and confidence you need: 

Healthy relationships are grounded in mutual care, communication, and commitment—not speculation and emotional exhaustion. (Credit: Freepik)

Check in with yourself first

Before reaching out, take a moment to think. What do you need—and have you said what that is? Sometimes we expect our partner to ‘just know” what we need, but (honestly) nobody can read your mind. Be honest with yourself about what is missing for you, and why that is important. Elevating your own needs assumes you are willing to mention it.

Say things clearly and kindly

Once you know what you need, bring it to the surface. Do not wait until you feel at your breaking point to discuss. Initiate an open and respectful conversation. You could say something like, ‘I realize that I’ve been needing more quality time lately—I miss feeling close to you.’ This is not about blaming (you suck at providing quality time). This is about bridging the gap, and expressing your need for quality time.

Check their capacity 

Here’s the real talk: some individuals may not have it in them to fulfill your requirements–at this moment. That doesn’t mean they don’t care. It just prompts a question: Are you waiting for someone to live up to their potential? Can someone grow with you? Or are you  under the burden of care all by yourself? 

Check their capacity (Credit: Freepik)

Don’t normalize the bare minimum 

Your needs are not ‘too much.’ Accepting crumbs does not make you loyal. It makes you lonely. If you are compromising while your needs go unfulfilled, then that’s a red flag, not a temperament. You should not settle for anything less than effort, care, and consistency.

Healthy relationships are grounded in mutual care, communication, and commitment—not speculation and emotional exhaustion. 

If you are not sure what your needs are or how to ask for them, seek help from a therapist or relationship coach. Sometimes, the best investment you can make is learning how to love yourself better first, so that you can recognize and get love that is truly compatible with your self-worth.